Ah, the Bangalore Turf Club, where a simple “yes or no” question can morph into an epic drama worthy of Shakespeare. The club`s Managing Committee has decided that it`s finally time to address those "urgent" reforms it`s been sitting on for ages. And the main act? Deciding whether they should obey the government`s gentle hint to relocate the racecourse to a patch of the Kunigal Stud Farm – because, you know, being nudged to move out a decade ago clearly wasn`t enough of a clue.

Once upon a time (well over ten years back, to be precise), the High Court of Karnataka politely asked the BTC to pack up and leave within six months. But BTC, the stalwart of stalling, managed to hold its ground thanks to a Special Leave Petition wending its way through the Supreme Court. Luck and legal gymnastics aside, the club should be lighting candles at the altar of good fortune, as the government hasn`t exactly rushed for an early hearing. But there`s a flashing neon sign here, folks – the writing on the wall could not be clearer.

And for those wondering if BTC`s little game could go on indefinitely, look no further than the Madras Race Club. When the lease on their Ooty racecourse land expired decades ago, they, too, tried a heroic last stand in the Supreme Court – and were promptly shown the door. BTC`s own lease ran out eons ago, but of course, why let that pesky detail get in the way? Despite signing on the dotted line as the “tenant” in a landlord-tenant agreement, the BTC`s legal masterminds went to court, valiantly arguing that the land was theirs all along. After losing that argument, they now find themselves in a predictably sticky situation, trying to spin yarns while the government politely insists, they consider a change of scenery.

To add to BTC`s ever-lengthening list of woes, the government recently denied them a racing license. When BTC challenged this, the High Court responded with a clear message: issuing licenses isn`t a right; it`s a privilege granted at the government`s discretion. Oh, and to make matters even more amusing, the entire BTC committee was forced to resign when the Chairman and about 90 others were charged with criminal conspiracy. But never fear! A new, government-approved committee swooped in to save the day, gaining the power to steer this runaway carriage straight back into the legal labyrinth.

Now, the club has called a special EGM (Extraordinarily Grumpy Meeting, maybe?) to sort out the relocation issue once and for all. But instead of reading the resolution and getting on with things, self-styled “experts” like Ashok Raghavan – a known troublemaker – have decided to turn the whole affair into a veritable circus. Alongside his brother Aravind (who stepped down as Chairman under, shall we say, less-than-glorious circumstances), Ashok has been nitpicking over every single word of the resolution, spinning out long-winded letters to prove his intellectual prowess. Yes, nothing says “man of wisdom” quite like a verbose diatribe on phrasing.

So here we are: a club whose actual problems could be summarized in a few bullet points is now buried under a mountain of inflated egos and inflated words. If only these “windbags” could be harnessed as a renewable resource – BTC could power their next racetrack with all the hot air.

The BTC Managing Committee, in an act of apparent bravery has rolled out a few more resolutions that would make any longstanding member`s heart skip a beat. First on the list is the idea of raising the club`s staggeringly low membership fee. Currently, members get to enjoy all the fine amenities for a mere Rs 250 per year – that`s less than a rupee a day! Truly, it`s been the best deal in town since free bread samples. But the committee now proposes an eye-popping upgrade: Rs 30,000 a year. At that rate, we might see members gasping and clutching pearls, as if someone suggested putting pineapple on pizza.

Then, brace yourselves – they`re also talking about expanding the membership from a cozy 350 to a staggering 12,00, with an entrance fee of Rs 25 lakhs for each new member. For a club that`s been notoriously exclusive, this proposal must feel like inviting everyone in the neighbourhood over to a dinner party. And they`re even planning to create a new “Corporate Membership” category, presumably for organizations who want to watch races while balancing balance sheets.

But despite all this, a handful of wordsmiths within the club have decided to focus less on the spirit of these resolutions and more on their wording – because, naturally, it`s easier to argue over phrasing than to actually engage with the issue. Ashok Raghavan and his twin, former Chairman Aravind and former Steward Shankar Balu, seem particularly keen on picking nits, drafting marathon letters packed with enough verbiage to choke a thesaurus. Their prose has achieved internet fame, with every comma and complaint echoing across WhatsApp University – enlightening anyone willing (or unlucky enough) to read through their passionate, jargon-laden rhetoric.

Meanwhile, an even more pressing concern has emerged. The previous Chairman, now somewhat unencumbered due to a chargesheet, has written in, deeply hurt over the new committee`s choice of promotional material – apparently putting photos of the current members upfront in the club`s balance sheet, while leaving the prior committee`s images somewhere in the back pages. Tragic, really. Perhaps we could all gather for a moment of silence in honour of these lost back-page features.

All in all, it`s a grand spectacle. The resolutions themselves are simple enough – a plea for more financial responsibility and membership expansion. Yet, the ‘wise` twins would rather spin their verbal yarns than accept the practical, albeit unglamorous, reality that the BTC has to answer to the government for pretty much everything. Perhaps, if the verbose objectors spent half as much time reading as they did write, we`d have resolutions passed and much less drama on our WhatsApp feeds.